I have believed in God since a young girl. When I was teaching third grade a coworker invited me to study the Bible. I wanted to know God and had never read the Bible before so the thought appealed to me (Imagine, saying you believe in God and yet never reading his word). My true walk with God began, the moment I opened the pages of the Bible.
It was Sunday afternoon when the facetime call came in from overseas. "Hey, how are you?!" she said with a smile. Out of what seemed like nowhere my chest tightened and tears welled up in my eyes. "Not so good," I blurted out as though someone else had taken control of my body.
That's not what I wanted to say but it was the truth and in this safe space that was my friend's presence I was suddenly falling apart.
It's been several years now since my kids left home for college or work, but seeing so many recent Facebook posts of back to school pictures and comments made me think back to my early years of being an empty nester. I've shared before that I was prepared to miss my kids and figured I would feel sad and perhaps a little lost for awhile. I was surprised, though, by some other feelings that showed up along the way.
I'm sitting in the doctor's waiting room, magazine in hand. The room is filled with people, but they're unnaturally quiet—so quiet I can hear the clock on the wall marking lost time...all the wasted life I'll never get back because I spent it breathing stale air in this crowded room.
Wherever we went as a family when I was a child, my mum would talk to all the strangers around us. Be it on a train, airplane, restaurant ...anywhere! So growing up in the kingdom, I had the privilege of seeing both my parents always reaching out to people, having them over for Bible talks, and baptizing them. This was a great source of joy to them, and to me because everyone was so friendly and loving. They both worked secular full-time jobs and were great disciples at the same time.
Have you ever thought or said these words?
I'm not good enough.
I have been in more situations than I can count where panic took hold of my heart because I was falling short. My college physics class was one of those times. I could not understand anything the teacher was saying. His words sounded like an unfamiliar language. I looked around the room in amazement that my classmates were actually taking notes on his lecture.
I love eyes. I love the colors, shapes and sizes of eyes. Some eyes seem to sparkle, while others penetrate, but the thing that draws me most to eyes are the various emotions expressed in them.
It was a pivotal time in my life. A time when I could have sold my soul to bitterness. Thankfully, Wyndham's wisdom (and humility) prevailed.
We had been in the ministry for eight years. I was 28 years old and Wyndham was 30. He had been preaching in a traditional type church for three years. We had led campus ministry for the previous five years, but this was his first preaching job. The church was growing, but the leadership was not united. In fact, one of the leaders would stand at the back door after Wyndham came down from the pulpit and pass out negative literature about us to the people who were leaving.
A young married woman recently made a passing comment that's been floating around my mind a lot. I'm finding that happens often during this new stage of parenting. Someone will make an innocent comment and it leads me on a trail to figure out the best way to handle a problem I didn't even know I had.