I never thought that on my twenty-fifth birthday I would be single. I had dreams of starting a family and living a long life with my husband. Those dreams were re-routed in the summer of 2008. My husband of four years divorced me. I was single…again. I did not want to focus on dating again. I didn’t even want to think about dating. Soon, however, I had to come to terms with the reality of my life. I decided that if I were to date, I would need to learn the necessary lessons from my dating relationship and marriage with my ex-husband.

Considering what I had been through, the thought of finding a man who was spiritual and would care about me was hard to imagine. I feared that this may never happen. Even if it did, there was an apprehension of being hurt all over again. I read about Boaz in the book of Ruth. Boaz was a true man of God. I committed myself to the Lord: never would I date anyone unless he too was a “Boaz” and not a “Bozo” (see Lady in Waiting and A Man Worth Waiting For by Jackie Kendall). I accepted the fact that I had had low expectations for myself and for my first marriage. I humbly acknowledged that my only qualification was that my husband was a disciple. Even that commitment was not one that was fulfilled. After my divorce I compiled a list of character traits that I desired in the man that I would marry IF God chose to bless me with another relationship. Some of which I wrote down were: Love God more than me or anything else in his life, man of integrity, teachable, humble, patient, man of prayer and Bible study, honest, vulnerable, and someone who seeks advice. I was determined to start using biblical standards of how men should treat other women instead of using other disciples as my standard.

I remember telling other young women when I was married to enjoy every stage of their life, being single, dating, engaged, and being married. So when I got divorced I felt like I should and needed to take my own advice. Despite its grief and hardships, I embraced being single again.

I slowly began to go out on dates. Still, I had no intentions of getting into another relationship for quite some time. I felt very uneasy, nervous. It had been almost 5 years since I had been on a date with anyone other than my ex-husband. I felt “out of shape,” it seemed.

Brothers would ask me the basic questions of where I went to school, what I did for my occupation, etc. Sooner or later the words: “I am divorced…” inevitably came out. Every conversation seemed to center on that one fact. I felt like I had a scarlet “D” on my chest and could not escape from this stigma. I wondered if I would ever get to a point in my life where I didn’t have to bring up my past.

And then, I went to my first singles retreat! Several brothers attempted to get to know me during the course of the retreat. Before one of the dates I called my ministry leader and explained that I was terrified to go out. Despite her efforts to console me, the date was worse than I feared. Did I ever want to go on a date again? Did God have some twisted sense of humor?

God does, however, work in mysterious ways. In November 2008, I went on a date with a Christian from Seattle. After the date we continued to keep in touch via phone and email. He was aware of my recent situation and had been given the advice to just be my friend. That is exactly what he did. Over the past year we built an amazing friendship. We started out as just friends and from there have built a great relationship. I’m so grateful to have a man in my life who loves God so much and who puts God first in his life and in our friendship. God has brought a “Boaz” into my life at just the right time, when I least expected. Our relationship has taught me the value of having a strong friendship as a foundation. We began dating steady in November, 2009.

I am unsure of what the future holds. But, I do know that God has healed me in so many ways from the sins of my ex-husband. Sin affects everyone, even if you are not the one who commits the sin. I continue to fight the past and not let my fears of getting hurt again take over my mind.

As women, we are so loved by God. He desires to be our one and only, so we must get our security from Him. We are all sinners and even as disciples we can hurt each other. Still, God’s love is perfect and He will NEVER hurt us! I am resolved to have a trusting heart towards God about my future. This scripture is a source of great encouragement to me:

Jeremiah 29:11-12

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”