We are competent, through God, to counsel one another.

A new blog shares a lesson.

“A man finds joy in giving an apt reply - and how good is a timely word!” These words from Proverbs 15:23 convey how great it is to say just the appropriate thing to the person in front of you, and this is especially important for the purpose of helping others through challenges. Jesus was the master of the timely word because he knew who he was talking to, he took people where they were at. In John 11 many came to comfort Mary and Martha after the death of their brother Lazarus. To Martha he spoke the truth, he said “I am the resurrection and the life.” That was the right thing to say to her. Around Mary, he didn’t say anything, he cried with her. That was right for her. Hopefully, we can all learn to hit the right note.

Read Ephesians 4:14-32. vrs. 15-16 shows God’s vision for dynamic and fruitful counseling relationships, as the entire church “grows up and builds and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” Galatians 6:2 supports this idea, saying it’s everyone’s job to counsel one another, not just leadership.

Eph 4:21 says we were “taught in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus,” and Colossians 2:3 says that in Jesus “are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” All the resources we need are available to us, we don’t need a degree in psychology to help and counsel one another in the church. It is important to recognize that some issues are beyond us and then to recommend some get professional help, but we can still view any and all problems through the lens of scripture and offer help. Issues like past trauma and abuse, anxiety, depression and other issues should be addressed by a trained professional like a psychologist or psychiatrist where appropriate. Offering spiritual support is still key even in these serious areas. Some counselors and professional helpers have worldviews and techniques that are completely off base and flat out weird, and it’s good to remember that even the best of human wisdom is still foolishness compared to God’s wisdom (see 1 Corinthians 3:19).

vrs. 29 of Ephesians 4 says we should only say “what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” It is important to have the patience and understanding to listen and know the needs of a person you are helping. 1Thessalonians 5:14 also conveys the need to know the needs of the person in front of you, saying some deserve a strong warning, some need encouragement, and some need us to take it a step further and come along side of them and help.

vrs. 32 says we should convey compassion and a sense of God’s grace and mercy to others. The reality of God’s complete forgiveness and grace to people who don’t deserve it is a great motivation to overcome our challenges and fosters the desire to present ourselves to God as people without fault (see also Psalm 19:13-14). Besides Jesus, the best example of a man who had compassion was the apostle Paul, who said in Acts 20 that he continually warned others “night and day with tears,” and in Romans 10 said he would even forfeit his own salvation for the sake of his fellow Jews.

vrs. 15 says we should speak “the truth in love,” our counsel is based on truth but also a relationship. The impact we have on others is related to how they PERCEIVE us, a relationship must be established. Proverbs 27:6, 9 supports this idea when it says “wounds from a friend can be trusted,” and “the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” When people perceive us as a friend, even hard things that are said will be appreciated because they know it comes from genuine concern. In Mark 10 a very rich young man asked Jesus what he should do to inherit eternal life, Jesus tells him to keep the commandments, and the young man says he already does that. It says Jesus looked at him and loved him, then said the hardest thing this guy could have heard, that he should sell everything he has, give it to the poor, and then follow Jesus. It says he went away sad since he had great wealth. Even when he said what people didn’t want to hear, Jesus said it with compassion.

vrs. 22-24 says only God can change us at the deepest level, you “put off your old self” and were “made new in the attitudes of your minds.” Other scriptures refer to the thoughts and attitudes of the heart, like Hebrews 4:12. Our deepest thoughts, desires, attitudes, motives and goals are all changed when we encounter God. Many professional helpers are blind to this truth. One example of someone who changed at the deepest level (there’s many in scriptures!) is Naaman the Syrian in 2 Kings 5, who was very accomplished and impressive but he had leprosy. God took care of the leprosy but it turns out he had heart issues also, like being a bit too arrogant to follow God’s instructions. Not only was the leprosy cured, but he had an inner transformation as well. We run into problems here, many are comfortable where they are and don’t want to reveal what’s going on inside, would rather run and hide than face the truth. Powlison said “None of us wants to acknowledge things about ourselves that we would rather deny. We would really rather not know.”

I can relate more with the guy in Proverbs 23:6-7, which reads “do not eat the food of a stingy man…for he is always thinking about the cost. ‘Eat and drink,’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you.” This is a man who says and does things that don’t reflect his true thoughts and feelings, and he does this for the purpose of deceiving others. I have been a master at deception from a young age [many personal examples were shared which I will not write here!]. Through college I had an image and reputation of someone who liked to party, was kind of wild, etc. but would never reveal how empty everything seemed. Inside I felt empty even as outside I had the appearance of someone having a great time. When studying the Bible for the first time in college I realized how much of a complete transformation was needed, inner change and behaviors. Those who studied with me had my best interest and showed they were faithfully committed as friends ready to share the truth. I know many can relate to this, wearing a mask to disguise what is going on inside. A song called “Come Alive” by the Foo Fighters talks about being a “prisoner, a slave to the disguise,” then later says “nothing more to give, I can finally live Come Alive! Your life into me, I can finally breath, Come Alive!” We can help make scriptures come alive in people’s lives by creating a safe place through relationships where difficult things can be faced.

It’s important to apply the principles above when counseling others, especially for challenges that have been going on for a long time. Here’s a few practicals:

1. Don’t jump to conclusions. It’s important to take a lot of time to assess and gather information, to just listen. It can take a long time to put the pieces together. Professional counselors usually do a thorough assessment in the beginning of outpatient treatment to get a good history of the person and the problem. However, I’ve seen people who have confessed personal struggles they are having and they are immediately hit with a whole Bible lesson. More listening needs to take place, which is why Proverbs 18:15 says “the heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, the ears of the wise seek it out.” Show empathy, take your time, and don’t jump to conclusions too quickly.

2. Consider the heart. We’ve discussed why this is important. Asking what a person wants, lives for, prioritizes in life, desires, hopes for, and what motivates others is key.

3. Practice confidentiality. It’s important to establish trust by not speaking to others or gossiping about things that are shared with you privately.

4. Test the validity of your interpretation of someone’s problem. I would rather see someone be tentative in interpreting a problem than overly confident. There are many ways to interpret someone’s situation and problems, so after long listening and trying to understand, I may offer an interpretation and ask the person if that sounds right. I’ve seen others who, trying to be helpful, were overly confident and off target when interpreting a problem.

5. Challenge others to Godly actions. Help peo

ple live the scriptures, “teaching them to obey everything,” Matt 28, which takes a lifetime.

6. Understand resistance and relapse. Many people are resistant to change initially, and many others make changes but fall back into old behaviors. Instead of coming down too hard on someone, understand this happens and help them get on the right track. Even the apostle Paul said “what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing.”

7. Appreciate and encourage small steps. Ma

ny with emotional challenges, like depression for example, find it difficult to make changes or even find the motivation to do small things like get out of bed in the morning. Even coming to church takes an enormous effort. In Mark 12, Jesus recognized the very small amount of money a poor women placed in the collection plate, stating she gave more than all the rich people who put in large amounts because she gave all she had. It was all she could do.

I hope this helps, thank you!

Psalm 119:24 “Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors.”

Shared from http://fantinipublishing.com/wordpress/?p=73#more-73

posted by Jerry Maday